Dr's Appointment

    So a little update from my post yesterday. I went to the dr, and I am having surgery on Tuesday. They need to remove so much tissue on my toe and my hand that he thinks it'd best be done in the OR. I'm totally ok with that after seeing how big the incisions will be etc. I'm tough but not that tough. He explained things MUCH better than the dermatologist did. Maybe it's because she was was on the phone and the plastic surgeon was sitting right in front of me and was oh so nice. He told me that they are unsure of whether it's melanoma or not because the samples were so small, but that they were just "different" and the cells were definitely not good cells. So they need to remove more for tests, and to make sure that they get all the bad cells out so that if it's not Melanoma yet, that it won't turn into that. After my surgery, if everything comes back clear, all I'll have to do is see the dermatologist every  6 months. If it comes back that they need more I'll probably lose my toe. The Dr said that's the worst case.
    This is all so crazy to me. I feel like it's not real. I don't know why I always have the worst luck with this sort of stuff. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to have a "poor me" attitude. That's just not me. If you know my history you know that me and surgery are no strangers. I've had 7 knee surgeries on the same knee, due to infections and silly dr's that didn't pay enough attention to me. I was in the hospital so long my Senior year of high school that during 1 of the quarters I only attended school 1 day because I was hospitalized. One time they gave me the wrong medicine and I had an allergic reaction. Needless to say, my tongue couldn't fit in my mouth because it was so swollen, and it had HUGE white cotton ball looking sores on it (tmi? sorry). Then when I had Nix, I was induced due to high blood pressure. They gave me my epidural and my blood pressure dropped so low I started throwing up. They had to turn off my epidural because they couldn't stabilize me, by the time they could turn it back up, it was time to push. Needless to say I felt a lot of it. I just feel like me and hospitals don't get along so great.
    
There are definitely some things I've realized in the last few days.

• I'm SO extremely glad that you can continue to be on your parent's insurance until you are 26 regardless if you are a student or not, a mom, married etc. My mom has MUCH better coverage than we did for a lot cheaper. I'm so glad I made the switch. My deductible went from $1000 to $250. 
• Every other time I found out I had to have surgery, my first thought was about myself. This time my first thought was Nix. How am I going to take care of an 11 month old with a cut up hand and foot? How will I change a diaper? Give a bath? Man am I glad I have a willing husband, mom,  and friends. I'll definitely need their help.
• Connections. My mom does surgery scheduling at IMC. Where I will be having surgery. Not only will I hopefully get an awesome surgery time and anesthesia, but she talks to a lot of people. She's the reason I got in so fast to an amazing plastic surgeon. I know I'll be taken care of. 
• Last but definitely not least. I sometimes take a lot for granted. I have a husband that loves me, a wonderful amazing baby, an awesome loving family, and extremely caring wonderful friends. What more could I want in a time like this? This whole situation has made realize now more than ever that I don't need people in my life who bring hate and hard feelings. All I need/want right now is the great support system that I have. 

Thanks for all of the texts and phone calls. They each mean so much to me, and I've read all the kind texts more than once. I just want Tuesday to come and go so that we can move on and get over all of this.